Dear Hard Seltzer,
How popular you’ve become as of late. Everywhere I turn, there you seem to be
on bar menus and in advertisements. Even breweries have forgotten they are
brewers in a mad dash for the slightest fraction of hard seltzer market
shares. How garish are the colors of your label in concealment of your true
content, so pale and void of backbone, so wanting for potable character.
Yes, hard seltzer, you are the bastard son of Zima. You are the wine cooler of today, gone tomorrow. When the gimmickry of your carbonation and crappy fruit flavorings have been removed, you’re just water in a can. I’d rather have a real drink.