Finding a lounge chair near the pool was impossible. It’s not that it was crowded or anything. Hell, there are hundreds of chairs in the area. But most of them have been reserved by people. They “mark their territory” by leaving their towels, blow-up rafts, magazines or other personal items on the chairs at some point before dawn. Many times, they don’t even show up to use their chairs until well after noon. It seems a little rude to me, but I can live with it. I don’t really care to be located right next to the pool anyway. Jackie, on the other hand, HATES when people do this. It absolutely drivers her crazy. But she wasn’t there. So I found a nice lounge chair located a few rows back. It was nice. Less noise and distraction back there.
It was perfect. The waiter was bringing me two Rum & Cokes at a time – for the price of one, John Kennedy Toole’s Confederacy of Dunces was shaping up to be a great book, no one was around to complain my smoking, and the weather was a perfect 85 degrees Fahrenheit.
Sometime after 1:00 PM, Jackie finished up at the spa and found me in my lounge chair. “I’m going to head up to the room to take a shower and change clothes,” she informed me, “I’ll come down in a while for lunch.” There was a snack bar that prepared delicious bacon-wrapped hotdogs, nachos, club sandwiches and shrimp cocktails. We were both a little hung over and were looking forward to some greasy food and a relaxing day by the pool.
By the time Jackie returned, I was starting to feel a little drunk. It was about two in the afternoon and I had been making a serious run at it since eleven.
We ordered some nachos, had a few more cocktails and decided to head to Murphy’s and, eventually, to a grocery store and pharmacy. We wanted to purchase some breakfast food which we could prepare in our room. The rooms were all suites, but we just weren’t taking advantage of this amenity. We also wanted to get some prescription-strength Benadryl. You see, some drugs available for over-the-counter purchase in Mexico are only available with a prescription in the US. Benadryl is one of those.
We stayed at Murphy’s too long. It was only 7:00 PM, but we were both finding it difficult to walk, talk, or make sound decisions. We decided we would do our shopping and head back to the resort.
The pharmacy was an interesting place. It is clearly set up for tourists wishing to take
The grocery store was our next stop and it turned out to be a real hoot. It was a true Mexican establishment and we had issues trying to read the labels printed in Spanish. We ended up purchasing some breakfast items, Margarita mix, Tequila and some large blue plastic cups. We figured we could make drinks in our room and take them down to the pool, thus saving about $40 a day.
Remember, I was pretty drunk. I guess that’s why I thought it would be funny to knock stuff off the shelves as I walked around the store. I would casually bump into boxes of cereal, cans of soup and bags of rice, causing them to fall to the ground. I don’t know why I thought this was funny, but sometimes when I’m drunk, I just find things that need to be broken.
When we finally managed to stagger up to the gates of the hotel, we noticed a big sign which listed the activities and special events happening there. This was Karaoke Night in the lounge. We decided to go. Neither one of us are huge fans of Karaoke. As a matter of fact, we both agree that the word “Karaoke” is Japanese for “Shitty Bar”. But for some reason, we both really wanted to go. Probably because we were both so polluted.
The lounge was not very crowded; there were only about fifteen people there and nobody could sing worth a shit. So, I thought it would be funny to pick a few songs and change the lyrics to, what I believed, would be really funny. For my first song, I chose Take It On The Run by REO Speed wagon.
The words are:Heard it from a friend who
Heard it from a friend who
Heard it from another you been messin' around
They say you got a boyfriend
You're out late every weekend
They're talkin' about you and it's bringin' me down…
You take it on the run baby
If that's the way you want it baby
Then I don't want you around
I don't believe it
Not for a minute
You're under the gun so you take it on the run
I changed them to: Heard it from a friend who
Heard it from a friend who
Heard it from another you take it where it’s brown
They say you got a boyfriend
Who doesn’t like your rear end
Well me and some boys are gonna take you downtown…
You take it up the butt baby
Cause that’s the way you want it baby
Then I don't wanna let you down
I ain’t gonna cum yet
At least not for a minute
I’ll pull out my cock and watch you try to walk….
There was one table of people who thought this was hilarious. The rest of the room was fairly indifferent.
For my next song, I chose What’s Up? By 4 Non Blonds.
The words are:Twenty-five years and my life is still
Trying to get up that great big hill of hope
For a destination
And I realized quickly when I knew I should
That the world was made up of this brotherhood of man
For whatever that means...
I changed them to:Twenty-five beers and my ass is still
Trying to get over the big ordeal last night
At the fucking gay bar
I realized quickly when you bought me that drink
That all you wanted was to sink your cock
Just a little too far…
As I mentioned at the start of this series, “There comes a moment in every man’s life when they realize that it’s time to grow up. I have not yet reached that moment.”
Clearly, it was time to go.
